So it has been quite a few months since my last post. I must have some excuse to explain it. So I shall give you a couple:
1. I was encountering a bug of some sort (probably human error) that resulted in posts not being…well posted.
2. Started college.
3. No time (Even though I often found myself bored out of my mind)
And 4. Honestly, I am not good at this so I was hesitant to post anything else.
Let me explain the last one. Everything I do in life I second guess myself. I never ever, ever,ever, ever think I have what it takes to complete a task, pass a test, or wake up for class Monday morning (Can I get an amen!). That has always been part of me. It is what makes me, me. Many days I hate myself for it. I would love to go out and explore new things.
Of course I am not going to cut myself short, many things I get pumped up for but then I think about what would or could happen as a result of doing it. I’m not the kind of person that just goes with the flow. I will attempt to but then come up with a reason as how this might not work or what negative consequences could result from it and then just abandon the idea entirely.
Why do I do this? Low self-esteem? Lack of confidence? No drive? I think I could come up with a million and one different reasons why I do this which proves my point exactly. Right now I am trying to find reasons to get out of finding a solution.
But I like me. I am different. Who wants to be like the person next to you? Why would you! Everyone needs their own voice. I don’t care if your voice is sitting off to the side quiet hunched over a book adjusting your glasses or jamming it out to some Heavy Metal with your buds or gossiping with your girlfriends in hushed tones and giggling. There is a reason behind all this madness that we call life. I think that is what makes us all who we are. We are all plain crazy.